Call and Answer
by artlessICTOAN
Summary: Black-out drunk at four in the morning, Ino decides to use her masterful pick-up skills to find herself a girl. Surprisingly, it actually works.


loosely based on a lil anecdote/joke made by laura on the last ep of podquisition, bc I really loved the idea and suddenly Had to write it (i had to do a shameful amount of research into both drinking and twitter for this i'm such a fucking dweeb jfc)

* * *

Ino really shouldn't have come out tonight; it was beyond late and she knew she was going to regret everything when she woke up in the morning, especially with the looming deadline of an unfinished article hovering on the horizon, staring judgementally with every second she spent pouting into her seventh truly _awful_ rum and coke – only to be expected at a place this cheap and honestly it was the reason she'd chosen to come here, why waste good booze when all you wanted was to get beautifully, terribly, forget-you-own-name sloshed?

She didn't even shudder every time she took a sip anymore, clearly she must be doing _something_ right.

The bartender gave her a dull look at the groan she poured into the hard, sticky counter, but didn't bother striking up conversation, that wasn't the kind of place this was, he just silently refilled her glass and went back to whatever was in that book he hadn't put down once since she got here.

At this point, her eyesight was so shot that she couldn't even _hope_ to pick out the title.

Other than them and a few other miserable-looking souls scattered around the bar, the place was empty. Half of her was glad – no one needed to see her in this state – but at the same time she found herself growing unbearably lonely; the very thing that had driven her out of her home at three am on a Tuesday night in the first place, looking for some company.

How long had it been since she'd had a real conversation with someone? About something that _wasn't_ work related? Probably the last catch up session she'd had with Shikamaru and Chouji, when was that again? A few weeks at least, it would probably still be in her calendar.

Ino pulled her phone from her purse, swiping the screen with a shaky finger, it was only through force of habit that she managed to get her lock pattern right first time.

But, by the time everything had loaded, she'd already forgotten what she'd wanted to do, so she just followed the blinking lights and twitter symbols in her notification bar, she opened the app and brought the phone close enough that she could actually read what was on the screen.

Mostly just a wall of likes and retweets – something so everyday that she mentally filtered them out – with a random new follower and a handful of replies, mostly just more about her latest article, _god_ , could she not escape from it for one evening?

Not that she hated her job, she actually loved it, the writing, the investigation, the research, the interviews, the way she basically got paid to give her opinions, something she would've done regardless. But, maybe she'd been a little too eager about it, focused on it to the detriment of all else; _especially_ her social life.

She hadn't spoken to anyone outside her family, colleagues, sources and two closest friends in weeks, and as for dating… well, that was the real reason she'd decided to dress up – though 'dress up' in this context just meant, 'anything but the ancient t-shirt and pyjama pants that she'd been slouching around her flat in for the past week' – and hit the town – though 'the town' in this context was more, 'anywhere close, cheap, sad and empty' clubs didn't make for good melancholic drinking oneself into oblivion and she no way was she going to go somewhere people might actually _recognise_ her.

Unfortunately, her master plan to hook up with a cute stranger had backfired when she'd chosen to wander into a bar that apparently catered exclusively to tired, old men who just wanted to glare into their beers in peace and quiet.

How was she supposed to find a girlfriend like this?

With her twitter already open and waiting, and awkward, sluggish thumbs, she typed all her woe and loneliness and deep, painful misery into a single message, one that laid her soul bare for the world to see:

'whys there no pretty honeys here bartender guy? I wanna smootch!'

A few seconds later, she decided to write another.

'cute girls come tp Chidori in 5 for face smushs, I will buy you a teerible drink'

Ino gave a contented grin at her phone, before carefully slipping it back into her purse and downing the last of her drink.

It took four minutes for her to realise what she'd just done and she immediately had to slam her forehead against the counter – not even caring about the god-knows-what sticking her skin to the wood – clearly this night had just been a disaster, would it be too late to write her posts off as a joke?

Maybe she could just fall asleep here and pretend nothing ever happened, she could become part of the furniture, join the grumpy drunks who lived here in their shame and emptiness, never show her face in public ever aga-

A heavy 'clunk' in front of her nose quickly dragged her eyes back open.

Ino greedily eyed the drink, but before she could take it in her hands and let its terrible, bitter, cheap taste rain _beautiful_ bliss over her fretting mind, a hand clamped over the top.

She tried to glare up at the bartender, but couldn't quite get her eyes to point in the same direction.

"Last one," he said, voice tired and calm.

As her weak attempts to claw his hand off her glass were failing miserably and he didn't look like he'd release it without an answer, she nodded slowly – almost losing her balance as the rest of her body wanted to follow the heavy dip of her head, before jerking upright with a sharp jolt of alertness, it didn't last long before her eyelids were drooping once again and she was whining pathetically, still trying to free her drink.

The man sighed, but relented and let her finally take it, shaking his head as he went back to his stool and bright orange book.

She immediately gulped down a good third of the liquid, wincing but not coughing it back up at least.

Ok then, she'd finish this last rum and coke and then call for a taxi home, probably pass out until noon and let Future Ino deal with the any fallout from four-am-lonely-drunk-tweet based fallout, and any bone-crushing embarrassment that came with it.

Future Ino didn't much care for Past Ino, but she was too pissed to care about that.

The sudden loud bang shattering the melancholic silence of the bar made her jump so hard she spilled the rest of her drink.

She spun round on her stool, ready to start shouting at whatever _idiot_ had dared be so rude as to ruin her last, precious glass of forgetfulness, but the sight of a woman bursting through the doors, eyes wildly scanning the room before eventually locking onto her own, somehow managed to cut through her drunken haze and strike her with a bolt of electricity that paralysed her completely.

The other woman was a little short – at least compared to herself – but she was broad-shouldered and likely built, even if it was a little hard to tell through the shapeless white coat she was wearing, actually it looked a little like a lab coat of some kind, pens tucked into the breast pocket and long-faded stains just visible – or maybe that was just her own splotchy vision, adding to the distinct sexy doctor look was a pair of narrow glasses and a cropped, practical hairstyle, though the pretty pastel pink colour and dishevelled spikes didn't _quite_ fit the rest of the image, in fact, she looked very haggard and tired in general, now that she had walked a little closer, it was easier to notice the creases to her jacket and dark bags under her eyes.

That by no means detracted from how big and green and _beautiful_ those eyes were though, or how cute she was in general.

Ino had to wonder if she didn't have a thing for doctors that she'd never realised before now, because she felt on the verge of passing out she'd been holding her breath so long.

What was such a gorgeous woman doing in a place like this, looking like she'd just run a marathon and walking straight towards her, eyes not breaking away for a second, even when she was finally just a few feet away and Ino's eyes couldn't really focus properly – despite all her desperate mental pleas for them to just let her drink in this vision so she wouldn't forget it when she fainted.

"Ok, so this is really creepy and weird, but I've been a huge fan of your work for so long and everything you say is always really interesting and you have some great thoughts on feminism's place in STEM fields and you kinda inspired me to be more forceful about this stuff at work and you're always so witty and also really beautiful, like your photos don't even compare to seeing you here just… _wow_ and I know you were just joking about that tweet a few minutes ago, but you were so nearby that I just had to run out of the lab and meet you in person and I'm working on about six hours of sleep in the past two weeks here, so I don't actually know what I'm doing or saying anymore an-"

The pretty, pink lips kept trying to spill their torrent of words, despite Ino's own suddenly pressed against them, but she determinedly pushed past it and just brought her hands up to tangle in that lovely hair – probably a bad idea since they'd been soaked trying to pick up her spilled drink – and pull herself closer.

Unfortunately, she ended up just falling off her seat, giving an undignified squawk as she tried to break her fall.

The strong hands that caught her arms almost made it worth it.

By this point the bartender was howling with laughter, as were some of the less grumpy patrons, most were just mumbling into their beers though. Ino was only a little relieved that at least no one had caught that on camera, as she shakily pulled herself upright on the sturdy pillar of a woman next to her.

She was laughing too, but it was quiet, more giddy than teasing, and it made her tired eyes come alive in a way that stole the last of Ino's breath, so she didn't make a fuss.

"Sorry, ugh, wow I'm gonna have so many regrets in the morning," she groaned, trying vainly to brush out the creases she'd left in the woman's coat, just leaving sticky, wet trails everywhere she touched.

The smile she received for her efforts quickly took all of her attention away from her hands.

"Well… you won't regret _everything_ , right?" her voice was calm, but, even through her slow, woolly brain, Ino could hear the slight worry at its edges.

She snorted and leaned down to steal another kiss. "Not everything," she mumbled between smooches, "though I dunno how I'm gonna get home in this state, I can barely walk" she added as she pulled away, waggling her eyebrows as sexily as she could manage. It probably didn't look anything close to how she'd imagined it in her head, but it brought about the reaction she'd wanted, so who cared?

The beautiful, gorgeous, intriguing doctor rolled her eyes, but secured a steadying arm around Ino's waist anyway. "Real subtle, but alright, come on, I'll look after you."

* * *

Ino came to one conclusion when she reluctantly crawled out of her perfect, painless slumber.

The sun must _die_.

As must her phone, which was beeping incessantly at her, with absolutely _no_ consideration for her wellbeing! Could she not just wallow in self-pity until the burning lights and stabbing noises stopped making her want to curl up into a tiny ball under her covers and think the world into blowing up?

With more force than strictly necessary – though not enough force as she really would've _liked_ right now – she unlocked the damned thing and started stabbing at the screen to turn it to silent, but, even once that was done, and she could once again breathe a sigh of blissful relief at the glorious quiet, the words flashing across her notification bar distracted her and she found herself habitually scrolling through her twitter feed.

'OMG why'd you post this so late?! I would've been so up for it if I'd been awake!'

' konohaairways we're gonna need to discuss those flight times, I've got an important appointment at Chidori in 5 mins'

'Foiled once again by reasonable sleep schedules, curse you Yamanaka!'

She couldn't help snorting at some of them, but it was surprisingly heartening to read some of the replies; though not nearly as heartening as the scent of cherry blossoms clinging to her sheets and skin, or the vague sounds of a whistling kettle and someone moving about in her kitchen.

Ino muffled a squeal and grin into her pillow, before making one last tweet.

'Thanks for the love guys, but sorry you know how the saying goes.. the workaholic scientist catches the early morning drunkard!'


End file.
